Shower

Isn’t it funny how comforting the bathroom could be? I’m talking about showering and not the pooping, just so you know.

Anyway, it is somehow therapeutic to my emotional part of the brain. Once the cold water falls down to my skin, it numbs me in a gentle way. And from that moment of numbness, thoughts came rushing in like a coursing river. I cannot just settle at one thought. It will just lead me to another.

Tonight, I decide to shower with warm water. I learned that warm water can stimulate your senses and it has its own benefits too. Indeed, it was refreshing and calming to myself especially tonight.

Tonight, I wondered. Doubted. I asked myself again if am I really the person whom I thought I was. I asked myself if am really a leader, a good servant leader or maybe just a good friend. I keep asking myself did I make a difference already or have I been wasting my quarter-life? Did I?

I keep wondering and wondering about myself. I am not obsessed with myself. I just want to discover where or how should I function here. I keep thinking about my mistakes. But little of my achievements if there is any.

Is there? Could there be anyone who would be honest to tell me who really am I? Because as of the moment, the warmth of the water tells me that I am who I am. I am different. That it is time to give myself some slack.

So, I did. But I just really need someone to tell me that. Honestly.

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