Struggle.

I don’t know why it has become a constant struggle to trust someone. I’ve never been able to submit myself freely to the protection of a person. It is all natural, for me, to have that slightest or maybe the minute of suspicion.

Even now, I think, though that someone keeps telling me to just trust him/her. I just can’t. It seems like I always find my way to discover something that will keep me away from him. Though I will promise to myself and to that person that I’ll start trusting back, I just can’t. It seems like this person is giving me reasons not to trust. I will eventually discover that he’s hiding something, or maybe missing out a detail, or something like that.

I can’t stand why someone can’t be honest with his feelings, with his relations, with his  life. I don’t know why they have to miss out just a single detail. I don’t know why can’t people be just honest…

Sometimes their alibi might be just to protect you from being hurt or jealous. But if you know that it is not right, then why still do it? If you know that the person is going to get hurt then why do it? Why do it if you know you’ve found the right person? Why lie? Why deny? Why?

Is it worth it? Is it worth to be hiding something from the person you claim to love?

Why? Isn’t the person you claim to love not enough for you? Why do you have to do that?

And then they say that love is putting yourself aside for that someone’s benefit. It is not minding your desires but the desire you share for each other.

Love is a verb and I don’t think if that’s what everybody is doing.

So I guess, please just don’t blame me if I become so cynical about a person sometimes. I think this is the best way to protect myself from anything- from any hurt.

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